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*** Enjoy this sneak peek excerpt from our upcoming book on
Restoring Human Connection in a Digital World ***
Building human connections starts with one small act of reaching out. You must go first to take that action.
Ask a room of 1,000 people if they like being complimented, and you will get 1,000 hands raised (if they are being honest with themselves). That’s because receiving a compliment primarily triggers a dopamine release in the brain’s reward center, leading to feelings of happiness and motivation.
Paying attention is the most basic form of compliment. It is just that you are paying or investing in the other person. Your full and focused attention tells others that they matter and you are interested in them.
You can pay attention by acknowledging that you hear them with your verbal cues (“yes, I understand,” “that is interesting,” “tell me more”) and your non-verbal cues (nodding, eye contact, leaning in).
You can also compliment someone by acknowledging things they do well. Look beyond the surface to find a trait you admire. Are they punctual, creative, well-dressed, optimistic, intuitive, selfless? There are abundant opportunities to express your appreciation for who they are and how they contribute to work, family, community, culture, customer experience, etc.
A sincere expression of appreciation is the quickest way to turn an enemy into an ally, a frown into a smile, and resistance into acceptance. Dig deeper than the usual “You look nice.” Notice something unique about them, like their choice of words, their energy, or their perspective. For example, “I love how you always find the silver lining in situations—it’s inspiring.”
This can happen even in a brief interaction with a check-out person, telephone support representative, fast food drive-through worker—anywhere or anyone. Look for a hat, T-shirt, or name tag that you might connect with and ask about it or tell them why you like it.
Try complimenting someone today and see how it makes them (and you!) feel. We predict you will feel more connected!